When Friends Turn Toxic: Support and Counselling for Teens Dealing with Frenemies
Parenting a teenager can be challenging, especially when friendship dramas start to affect their confidence and happiness. As a counsellor specialising in teen counselling, I often support young people who feel confused, hurt, or left out by friends who don’t always treat them kindly.
These complicated relationships — often called “frenemies” — can be difficult for teenagers to navigate. Understanding what a healthy friendship looks like, and how to handle one that turns toxic, is an important part of growing up.
What Are Frenemies and Toxic Friendships?
A frenemy is someone who acts like a friend but behaves in ways that are mean, controlling, or hurtful. These friendships can be confusing for teenagers because the person is friendly one moment and unkind the next.
According to the Raising Children Network’s guide to frenemies and toxic friendships, toxic friends might:
Put others down or make cruel jokes
Spread rumours or gossip online
Leave people out of group activities
Manipulate others to get their way
These behaviours can make teenagers question their self-worth and start to believe they are the problem. Understanding what’s happening — and having support to deal with it — can make a huge difference.
How Counselling Helps Teenagers Cope
Through counselling for teenagers, young people can make sense of their feelings and experiences. Together, we look at what’s happening in their friendships and explore practical ways to respond.
Counselling can help teenagers to:
Recognise the signs of healthy versus unhealthy friendships
Build confidence and assertiveness
Develop healthy boundaries
Talk about feelings of rejection, anxiety, or loneliness
Learn how to handle peer pressure and social media conflict
Creating a safe, non-judgmental space allows teens to be honest about what they’re going through. Over time, they learn that it’s okay to walk away from relationships that make them feel small or unsafe.
How Parents Can Support Their Teen
Parents play a vital role in helping their teenagers navigate friendship challenges. Try to:
Keep communication open by asking gentle, curious questions
Avoid criticising their friends directly — it can shut conversations down
Encourage friendships that bring out your teen’s best qualities
Be a role model for positive relationships through your own behaviour
As Psychology Today’s article on helping girls cope with bullying and frenemies points out, it’s important to teach young people to recognise when friendship is being used as a weapon — and to respond with calm confidence rather than aggression.
When to Seek Professional Help
If your teenager’s friendships are starting to affect their mood, schoolwork, or self-esteem, it may be time to reach out for extra support. Adolescent counselling provides a safe space for teens to talk about what’s happening without fear of judgement.
It can also give parents practical tools to support their child at home, helping everyone feel more confident and connected as you navigate these emotional ups and downs together.
Learn more about my counselling services or get in touch to find the right support for your family.
Final Thoughts
Friendship issues are a normal part of adolescence — but they can be painful when they involve frenemies or toxic behaviour. With understanding, communication, and professional support, your teenager can learn how to build healthy, respectful relationships and feel good about themselves again.
If you’d like to know more about teen counselling or how it could support your family, please contact me or explore more insights on the Arukah Counselling blog. You don’t have to face these challenges alone.